How Ukraine Attacked the Horde
Ukraine “wouldn’t have started” this war… if you were its president? You wouldn’t have waited three years? Because… you’d have immediately fled to Poland? Or “negotiated” with the invaders if you couldn’t run away? Negotiated what exactly? Surrender? And how exactly did Ukraine start this war, enlighten us? By luring the defenseless horde onto its territory and then “treacherously” attacking it?
By the way, if your invaders really “want to stop this savage barbarism” (we won’t even bother reminding you that they’re the ones who started it), and if they’re so deeply concerned about the deaths of their own terrorists whom both you and they for some reason call soldiers as well as those dimwits who, for some mysterious reason, according to you, “came to fight” all the way from North Korea to Ukrainian soil (probably for the “noble ideals” of their dictatorship, which were apparently being disrespected over here)… well, we’re not against it! We won’t even stand in your way (you, the invaders, and the crap-Koreans). Go ahead and stop your own “barbarism”.
It’s not us who need to do anything here if you and they both “want” to. Because, for example, if we “wanted to surrender,” we’d just do it ourselves without your “help,” without your commands we’d just give up. Get it?
Now, about negotiations just so you understand, because frankly, we’re tired of repeating this to your entire traveling circus when it comes to an invasion and an aggressive war, there’s a different set of rules in place, not the kind used for commercial or private disputes. There are no contracts to terminate rights and obligations, no peace agreements like in business conflicts. To help you grasp it: Japan, for instance, still hasn’t officially recognized certain post-war outcomes with its neighbors because it wouldn’t change any of the fundamental disputes that arose during another aggressive war World War II. And yet, that war ended. Or… did it?
What are we even asking, you wouldn’t know history isn’t exactly your and your vampire boss’s strong suit. Speaking of which, just yesterday, his buddy Patrushev also a “scholar” (three whole years of education, straight from the Cheka VKPB) declared that they actually won the Crimean War. And no, not this occupation of Crimea the one from the 19th century. So go ahead, add Crimea to your list of “victories,” right next to Hitler and Napoleon. He fantasized about defeating the Anglo-Saxons and the French.
Now, back to reality: international law has specific provisions for things like prisoner exchanges, ceasefires, etc. And for that, no agreements need to be signed, no Trumps, no decrees, no crap-Koreans, and no other self-proclaimed peacemakers are needed. There are existing mechanisms for this like the institution of parlementaires. Don’t know what that is? They’re the guys who walk around with white flags but not to surrender, just to negotiate military actions. Educate yourself, you fool.
Wait, don’t run off just yet we just remembered another way to “end” this “barbarism.” Give us back our nuclear weapons the ones your country scammed out of us and handed over to the swamplands. Because, honestly, we don’t know what would’ve happened if you were president, but we do know that if we still had our nukes, this war never would’ve happened. Trust us. Or maybe you and your invaders were preparing for this very war back when you were blackmailing us and stealing our weapons without any compensation? Just like you’re doing now with rare earth minerals?
Oh, and one last thing while preparing this for broadcast, we came up with a question for the invaders. How exactly do they “want to stop the barbarism”? Is it like with alcoholism when you wake up in the morning covered in your own puke and piss after spending the night drinking medical disinfectant, washing it down with cologne, and sniffing glue? And of course, you “want to stop the barbarism” because your own reflection in the mirror disgusts you?
